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Old 06-12-2008, 12:16 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 7,307
Default Realtor speak

Realtor speak

* OLD WORLD CHARM - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CONTEMPORARY FEELING - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CLOSE TO LAKES - Impossible to park from April to October.
* WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN - Previous owner removed supporting walls.
* UPDATED KITCHEN - Sink no longer overflows.
* MOTIVATED SELLER - Has been on the market for 14 years.
* MINT - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
* NEUTRAL DECOR - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
* MOVE IN CONDITION - Front door missing.
* COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.
* LIGHT OPEN SPACES - Many holes in walls and ceiling.
* DECEPTIVE APPEARANCE - It looks terrible.
* EASILY MAINTAINED - Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
* FOR THE GARDENING ENTHUSIAST - Grounds like a jungle.
* MUCH SOUGHT AFTER - It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
* OWNER EAGER TO SELL - If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
* PARTIAL CENTRAL HEATING - The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
* PERIOD RESIDENCE - Built in the last two years.
* QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING - On site of proposed dormitory town.
* RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY - No one else want's it.
* SELECT NEIGHBORHOOD - Beside sewage works.
* SOLD - Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.
* SUBJECT TO NEW INSTRUCTIONS - They have just discovered death watch beetle.
* UNSPOILED - Planning permission granted for field next door.
* UNUSUAL FEATURES - No roof.
* UNUSUAL LOCATION - In the path of a projected motorway.
* USEFUL OUTBUILDINGS - No inside toilet.
* WELL SITUATED - In full view of the neighbors.
* WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF - Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop
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