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Old 02-21-2008, 11:58 PM   #1
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Default Philosophies of the Famous

Philosophies of the Famous


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Billy Carter)


I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt


Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain


The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns


Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- - Victor Borge


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain


By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury
-- Groucho Marx


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine


I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope


I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields


We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers


Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you
-- Winston Churchill


Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal


The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.


Give me a sense of humor, Lord;
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.


Amen.
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Old 02-23-2008, 04:20 AM   #2
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Julievojo, something more concise I heard "way back":

Everything fun in life is illegal, immoral - or fattening.

Mikey.
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